28 August 2004
Introductory paragraphs from the article 'Shopping is for the Birds'
The Olympic successes of the Evers-Swindell twins and Sara Ulmer have heaped humiliation on the ordinary Kiwi bloke already cringing with emotional and intellectual inferiority.
It wouldn't be so bad if they were as ugly as Russian shot-putters but they are gorgeous as well and, like most women, look delicious in black.
Ah, yes, black. Let me digress for a moment on this matter of the New Zealand uniform and the drive for a black flag. When you look at the mass of Olympic athletes and their uniforms you see little bits of ROYGBIV. You can't tell the Australians from the South Africans, the British from the French, or the Russians from almost anyone else; only the Kiwis are truly distinctive.
The same with flags - more ROYGBIV, with broad stripes of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. Perhaps the most distinctive flag is Canada's with its single, bold maple leaf. A stylishly drawn silver fern on a black background would be instantly recognisable.
And there's nothing wrong with black - it's bold and commands respect. Imagine for a moment if police were all dressed in carnation pink or yellow on green. The result would be anarchy.
Think of CEOs arriving at head office on Monday morning rigged out in orange-on-green pinstripes. The economy, both micro and macro, would free-fall. Or picture a second-hand car dealer trying to clinch a deal while wearing a floral blouse and pink trousers. You see? Dark colours are authoritative, commanding. (Abridged)
Gordon McLauchlan is an Auckland journalist and author.
New Zealand Herald
Copyright 2004, New Zealand Herald